How to Cope with End-of-Life & Death Anxiety
Explore practical tips and compassionate reflections, from a death-aware therapist, on navigating our very human fears and concerns around loss, end of life, death, and dying.
NOTE: This blog post addresses sensitive and profound topics. While it offers practical tips and compassionate reflections, please be mindful of your needs as you engage with the material. Feel free to take pauses as needed to care for your nervous system.
What is end-of-life & death anxiety?
End-of-life and death anxiety refer to the worries, concerns, and fears people have about the process of dying, death, and its aftermath.
End-of-life anxiety may be experienced by individuals who are approaching the end of their lives, whether due to a terminal illness or other reasons.
Death anxiety may be experienced by anyone, at any point in their life. It can be triggered by events like the death of a loved one, a medical diagnosis, chronic illness, grief anniversaries, natural disasters, or global catastrophes.
These anxieties are completely normal and natural responses to the unknown, to endings, and to goodbyes.
However, when the persistence or intensity of these anxieties starts to impact the quality of daily life, the experience might be considered thanatophobia – an extreme fear of death or the dying process. Thanatophobia is characterized by intense panic, obsessive thoughts, depression, existential crisis, and even physical symptoms.
This blog post is for anyone impacted by end-of-life anxiety, death anxiety, or thanatophobia.
Here are 7 compassionate ways to cope with end-of-life & death anxiety.
(1) Validate your emotions
It’s completely normal to feel anxious about death. Many of us in Western cultures live in death-phobic societies, where open conversations about death are rare. Death and dying are treated as something to be hidden, and fear outweighs curiosity.
Yet, denying our feelings – whether it’s fear, sadness, grief, or confusion – doesn’t make them go away. Instead, these emotions get pushed down and resurface in other ways – like lashing out, unexplained physical symptoms, or a constant sense of dread.
So, to begin coping with anxiety around death and dying, start by naming your feelings. Try completing these sentences:
When I think of death and dying, I feel…
When I think of death and dying, what comes up for me is… (a feeling, a thought, a sensation in the body, an image, a memory)
It makes sense that I’m feeling this way because…
When I acknowledge that these feelings are normal and make sense, I notice…
(2) Get curious
Curiosity is an antidote to fear. The things that scare us may become less daunting and more manageable when we explore their true shape, form, and origins.
Take a moment to consider this question: When you think of death and dying, what’s the hardest part for you?
By reflecting on the specific aspects that scare you, rather than the entire experience of death and dying, you might notice your anxiety begin to shift. It can become more focused and less overwhelming, giving you a clearer direction for exploration.
For example, when you think of death and dying, maybe the hardest part for you is:
Fear of the unknown
Fear of losing control or becoming more dependent on others at the end of life
Fear of losing autonomy and not being able to make your own decisions
Fear of physical pain and discomfort
Fear of leaving loved ones behind and concerns about how they’ll cope
Fear of dying alone
Fear of disability and aging
Notice the difference between saying:
“I’m scared of dying,” vs. “I’m scared of losing control,” “I’m scared of being alone,” “I’m scared of losing autonomy”
“I’m scared of dying,” vs. “The scariest part of dying, for me, is leaving behind loved ones”; “The hardest part of dying, for me, is the possibility of physical pain and discomfort”
Of course, identifying the hardest part isn’t meant to erase all anxiety. Instead, it’s a way to create more curiosity around the experience and help you understand the origins of your anxiety more clearly.
(3) Connect with your values
Fear doesn’t keep us from dying. It keeps us from truly living.
One way to cope with death anxiety is to deepen our connection with the things that bring us life.
Consider this prompt*: “I want to live as long as I can…”
The way we finish this sentence reveals a lot about who we are and what we value. No one says, “I want to live as long as I can,” and simply stops there. There’s always more to the sentence, even if we don’t consciously realize it.
Maybe you want to live as long as you can…
drink your favorite tea 🫖
be with your favorite humans & animals 🐈⬛
travel to beautiful places 🏝️
And that might mean that you value: pleasure, connection, relationships, adventure, and beauty.
Each of us have specific experiences that matter intensely to us; that we wake up for; that we fall asleep dreaming about.
And these are the experiences that finish the sentence for us: “I want to live as long as I can…”
Why does this matter?
Because when we realize what we’re living for, we live more fully. We open up space to hold fear of death in one hand, and love for life in another. And our love for living begins to outweigh our fear of dying.
So, take a minute and let your brain finish this sentence 5x. Don’t overthink it; simply note the first things that come to mind.
I want to live as long as I can…
I want to live as long as I can…
I want to live as long as I can…
I want to live as long as I can…
I want to live as long as I can…
Then, reflect on what this reveals about you, your values, and your needs.
For the record, the way we finish this sentence isn’t meant to be taken 100% literally. If someone wants to live as long as they can drink their favorite tea, it doesn’t mean they wish to stop living the day they can no longer enjoy tea.
Instead, it suggests their core values include comfort, pleasure, and ritual. They can use this insight to live life presently and joyfully, right now.
What do you want to live as long as you can for?
And what does this tell you about yourself?
*Full credit for this prompt goes to: Alua Arthur, death doula & author of Briefly, Perfectly Human.
(4) Express your grief
Grief isn’t meant to be fixed, cured, or disappeared. It’s meant to be felt, expressed, and witnessed.
Consider these different ways to express your grief, whether alone or in community.
Art – drawing, painting, collaging, sculpting, or any visual medium
Music – listening to songs that make you want to cry, smile, grieve, rage, or move your body; humming or creating your own songs
Writing – journaling, writing poetry, or writing letters to loved ones, your future self, your past self, your ancestors, or future generations
Altar – creating a physical space, with photos and objects to honor your grief, your life, and memories of loved ones who have passed
Dancing – using movement and music as medicine for your nervous system
(5) Find community at death cafes
Despite our death-phobic Western culture, there are communities that have open conversations about death and dying, and in so doing, choose curiosity and connection over fear and isolation. You can find these people at death cafes (among many other places).
Death cafes are not grief support or therapy groups (though they may feel extremely healing, as well as offer a safe space to express your grief and other emotions).
Rather, they are community spaces that offer “group-directed discussion of death with no agenda, objectives or themes.”
In other words, death cafes allow strangers to come together to eat cake, drink tea, and discuss death, dying, life, and living.
You can find a death cafe near you, via this directory: https://deathcafe.com/
Each death cafe is unique to the place, culture, and people that participate in it. Here’s a sample description of a death cafe event:
Rather than depressing or morbid, talking about death can be a liberating and a life-affirming experience. Rest assured, that you will not be judged, analyzed, categorized, evaluated, or sold a product. We share your earnest belief that not all discussions relating to mortality need to be outsourced to specialists.
(6) Connect with something bigger than yourself
For some, the fear of death is intertwined with fear of the unknown. What happens after we die? What is dying like, and is it scary?
While there will always be questions to which we never know the answers, we can expand our capacity to be with the unknown.
We can increase our tolerance of uncertainty, as hard and uncomfortable as not knowing may be.
Death anxiety invites us to connect with something bigger than ourselves, that can hold the unknown with us or for us.
For you, maybe this means:
connecting with nature – watching the sunrise, befriending the birds in your background, walking in the forest, swimming in the ocean
exploring faith & religious traditions that bring meaning, ritual, and reverence into your life
exploring practices that feel aligned and meaningful for you, outside of the context of organized religion (especially if you have religious trauma)– i.e., magic, witchcraft, spirituality, plant medicines, ceremonies, ancestral practices, shamanism
(3) Explore Brainspotting & IFS Therapy for end-of-life & death anxiety.
End-of-life concerns and death anxiety are part of what it means to be human, and you don’t have to navigate these overwhelming feelings alone.
Consider working with a death-aware, trauma-informed therapist or coach to unpack your experiences and process the emotions coming up for you.
Two particularly effective modalities are Brainspotting and Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy:
Brainspotting uses fixed eye positions to access subconscious parts of the brain, helping you process deeply rooted feelings, memories, and fears without needing to talk the whole time. This allows for deeper healing than traditional talk therapy.
Internal Family Systems (IFS) helps you explore the different parts of yourself – for example, a part that’s scared of dying and another that’s scared of truly living. Instead of labeling any parts as good, bad, right, or wrong, IFS invites you to build compassionate relationships with each part of yourself, leading to deeper self-understanding and nervous system regulation.
While no therapy or treatment will ever “solve” the “problem” of death and dying (because death and dying are not problems to solve – they’re human experiences that we’re meant to feel and navigate in community) – working with a therapist can soften the anxiety.
Therapy can make it easier for you to live life fully, as you hold grief in one hand and love in another.
IN SUMMARY…
End-of-life & death anxiety refer to the worries, concerns, and fears people have about death & dying. These anxieties are normal and natural parts of our human experience.
To cope with death anxiety, it’s helpful to:
name & validate your emotions
be curious about your experience
connect with your values (your reasons for living life)
express your grief — through art, writing, dance, or whatever moves you
find community at death cafes, where you can remember that you’re not alone and practice being comfortable with the uncomfortable — together
connect with something bigger than yourself — through nature, spiritual practices, plant medicines, or your faith/religion — all of which can increase your capacity to confront the unknown
Work with a Brainspotting or IFS therapist — so you can processing deep feelings, fears, and memories that may arise around end-of-life & death anxiety
Looking for a therapist who can help you process end-of-life & death anxiety?
Explore a Nervous System Healing Intensive — three 90-min sessions, using brain-body modalities that go deeper than talk therapy (Brainspotting and Internal Family Systems) — with a therapist trained in grief & death doula work.
Online Therapy in Colorado | Coaching Worldwide
Helping highly sensitive, neurodivergent adults heal their nervous systems & connect with their authentic selves.
About the Author
Liz Zhou is a neurodivergent therapist, coach, and speaker. She helps highly sensitive, neurodivergent adults & couples heal their nervous systems and connect with their authentic selves, using brain-body modalities (Brainspotting, EMDR, IFS, psychedelic integration) that are quicker & more effective than traditional talk therapy. Liz offers Nervous System Healing Intensives online worldwide.
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