An Honest Response to “How are You?”: Using IFS “Parts” Language to Acknowledge Complexity
This text originally appeared in Liz’s Neurodivergent Letters, an affirming weekly email series for highly sensitive, neurodivergent adults who feel burnt out from wearing masks all day & are re-learning who they really are.
If someone were to ask you, “how are you, really?”…
what would you honest answer be right now?
In times like these, when the world & current events seem to move faster than the human nervous system was designed to process, I feel grateful to know my “parts.”
So, my honest response to “how are you, really?” would not be a short answer — it’d be an answer that acknowledges all of my parts.
We all have parts, working inside of our nervous systems, helping us to navigate life in whatever way makes sense.
(If you have experienced Internal Family Systems therapy or “parts work,” this language will be familiar to you.)
Parts might show up as emotions, sensations, images, thoughts, or a wave of energy.
As we navigate collective grief & upheaval in today’s world...
Parts of you might numb out in response to overwhelming events.
Other parts of you might feel things intensely.
Some parts might hold rage, grief, sadness, or fear.
Other parts of you might feel hopeful & motivated.
What I appreciate about parts language is that it acknowledges complexity. It reminds us that multiple experiences can be true at once.
You can be hopeful & exhausted, grieving & angry, joyful & overwhelmed. One part doesn’t cancel out the other. They all exist in relationship to each other.
The world is complex & multifaceted, and our inner parts reflect that.
Every part of us is here for a reason (even if it’s not immediately obvious).
Deeply feeling parts keep us connected to our humanity.
Numbed-out parts protect our nervous systems from drowning in overwhelm.
Parts that hold rage may connect you to your sense of justice, your purpose, and your values.
Parts in grief may be a reminder to slow down, rest, and acknowledge what has been lost & what needs healing.
Hypervigilant parts point us to areas where we don’t feel safe, and show us what is needed in order to move toward safety (like connecting with community, or watching a Know Your Rights training).
Do you see how every part of us has something important to share (even if it’s not always easy to hear)?
Today, I invite you to be curious toward your parts, as you ask yourself, with genuine care, “how are you, really?”
With care & solidarity,
Liz
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About the Author
Liz Zhou (she/her) is a neurodivergent therapist, coach, and speaker. She helps highly sensitive, neurodivergent adults & couples heal their nervous systems and connect with their authentic selves, using brain-body modalities (Brainspotting, EMDR, IFS, psychedelic integration) that are quicker & more effective than traditional talk therapy. Liz offers Nervous System Healing Intensives online worldwide.
