What’s the Best Therapy for Autistic Adults? | Reflections from an Autistic Therapist
Traditional talk therapy isn’t always a fit for autistic adults. Learn about neurodiversity-affirming therapy, and how it can work with your brain to help you understand and unmask your authentic self.
Let’s be real: traditional talk therapy doesn’t always work for autistic adults.
Traditional therapy was designed by and for neurotypical people. It doesn’t always accommodate the processing and communication styles of neurodivergent folks.
If you’ve ever found therapy to be:
invalidating
awkward
uncomfortable, making you feel like you need to mask more
…you may have experienced the limitations of this traditional model.
>> To learn more, check out this blog post: Why Talk Therapy Isn’t (Always) Helpful for Neurodivergent People (+ What to Try Instead)
So, what’s the best therapy for autistic adults?
The best therapy isn’t necessarily a specific modality.* Instead, the most important factor is the level of connection you feel with your therapist. You’re more likely to feel a sense of connection, safety, and trust if your therapist practices from a specific set of values.
In the neurodivergent community, these values are often summarized as “neurodiversity-affirming.” This blog post will explore 4 qualities that define a neurodiversity-affirming therapist.
*If you’re looking for recommendations on specific therapy modalities: Brainspotting, Internal Family Systems, and EMDR tend to be highly effective.
They go deeper than talk therapy, don’t require you to talk the whole time if you don’t want to, and gently access subconscious parts of the brain to help you feel better, sooner. To learn more, check out these blog posts:
(1) Neurodiversity-affirming therapists understand autism as a neurotype & disability – not a disorder, deficit, or disease.
There’s a common misconception in the mental health field, and in Western society as a whole, that “autism is a disease that must be cured.” That’s why autism is often referred to as “Autism Spectrum Disorder” (ASD).
The assumption is that it’s a tragedy to be autistic.
Neurodiversity-affirming therapists reject these outdated and harmful beliefs. Instead, they understand these key points:
Autism is a NEUROTYPE – a type of brain, nervous system, and way of being that is worthy of understanding and acceptance, just like any other neurotype.
Autism is also a DISABILITY – a condition that comes with real challenges, including social stigma, sensory struggles, and lack of accommodations in a world designed for neurotypical brains.
Autistic traits (like communication and processing styles, social behaviors, and sensory sensitivities) are different from what’s considered “normal” in Western society. But different does not mean bad, wrong, or inferior.
Autistic people are not asking for a “cure” — they’re asking to be seen, accepted, and supported as they are.
Neurodiversity-affirming therapists understand that autistic people are not broken versions of “normal” people.
They honor differences and use accurate, affirming language – because language matters, and the way we talk about autism impacts the way autistic people experience themselves.
(2) Neurodiversity-affirming therapists don’t try to make autistic people less autistic – instead, they support the autistic person in understanding, accepting, and embracing who they are.
Unfortunately, many traditional therapy spaces end up hurting autistic folks more than they help them.
It’s a red flag if a mental health professional is trying to “fix,” “treat,” or “cure” autism. Truly affirming support is not about changing who someone is – it’s about helping them feel more comfortable to be themselves.
Here’s an example of a key difference between traditional therapy & neurodiversity-affirming therapy.
Traditional therapy often assumes that autistic people lack social skills and need help learning them to fit in better.
This can lead to harmful interventions, such as pressuring autistic people to:
make eye contact (even when it’s uncomfortable)
suppress stimming behaviors (even though their body needs to stim to self-regulate)
hide natural tendencies – like info-dumping, slow processing speeds, and special interests – to appear more “normal”
In other words, traditional therapy may lead autistic people to mask more and hide their authentic selves – leading to worse mental health outcomes in the long run.
Neurodiversity-affirming therapists, on the other hand, understand that “good social skills” are a subjective concept.
Autistic people may struggle to connect with non-autistic people or navigate neurotypical spaces, but this doesn’t mean they lack the capacity to connect and socialize when the conditions are right.
Neurodiversity-affirming therapists allow their clients to decide what their goals are.
Some autistic people may want to learn social skills to navigate neurotypical spaces with more ease, while others may not care about neurotypical social skills at all. Instead, they might want support in finding neurodivergent-friendly social spaces, building relationships with other autistic people, and unmasking when it feels safe.
(3) Neurodiversity-affirming therapists align with anti-ableist & anti-oppressive values.
Ableism refers to discrimination against people with disabilities, based on the belief that temporarily able-bodied people are “superior.”
It’s a type of systemic oppression, which manifests as social stigma, lack of accommodations, exclusion from public spaces, and institutional structures that make it extremely difficult, and often painful, to exist as a neurodivergent / disabled person in our society.
Autistic people experience ableism in everyday life, in big and small ways. Depending on other aspects of their identity, they may also experience other forms of systemic oppression, such as: racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, classism, or discrimination based on religion, age, nationality, and more.
In order for therapy to be genuinely safe and healing for autistic people, therapists must make clear that they align with anti-ableism and anti-oppressive values. This means:
challenging ableist assumptions, such as the idea that a “normal” brain is the only correct way to exist
recognizing how systemic ableism, and all forms of oppression, impact our individual and collective wellbeing
using affirming language that respects all your identities
(4) Neurodiversity-affirming therapists work with your processing speed, communication style, and sensory needs – not against them.
As an autistic person, you may have struggled with traditional therapy because it didn’t fit your processing style.
You might process best when you don’t have to make eye contact, but your therapist expected it.
You might need to talk through your thoughts in a non-linear way, but felt pressured to use “I feel…” statements.
You might need to stim, walk around, or lie down while processing, but were expected to sit still.
These are just a few examples of how traditional therapy, which is often structured around neurotypical expectations, can be an uncomfortable and unhelpful experience.
Neurodiversity-affirming therapists understand that each person processes in their own unique way.
They take the time to learn your style and customize therapy to meet your specific needs. This might involve:
allowing you all the time you need to process information and form a response – even if it’s longer than a “typical” pause
providing a sensory-friendly environment
for in-person therapy: offering dimmable lights, weighted blankets, fidgets, and/or a variety of seating options to help you feel comfortable
for online therapy: allowing you to bring fidgets, sensory-soothing items, or even pets to your sessions, as you attend from the comfort of your own space
incorporating your special interests – because the things that light you up aren’t “distractions” from the process; they’re an integral part of who you are
using language that works for you, and being willing to adjust language based on your needs – whether you process best through metaphors, clear & direct communication, images, or another means
offering a range of communication methods, like writing notes or using visual aids, if verbal conversation isn’t the best fit for you
IN SUMMARY…
Traditional talk therapy, which was designed by and for neurotypical people, doesn’t always work for autistic adults.
Autistic folks benefit from working with neurodiversity-affirming therapists.
Neurodiversity-affirming therapists…
understand autism as a neurotype & disability – not a disorder, deficit, or disease.
don’t try to make you less autistic — instead, they support you in understanding, accepting, and embracing who you are
align with anti-ableist & anti-oppressive values
work with your processing speed, communication style, and sensory needs – not against them
Brainspotting, Internal Family Systems, and EMDR tend to be highly effective therapies, going deeper than talk therapy and helping you feel better, sooner.
Looking for a neurodiversity-affirming, autistic therapist who specializes in supporting autistic adults?
Online Therapy in Colorado | Coaching Worldwide
Helping highly sensitive, neurodivergent adults heal their nervous systems & connect with their authentic selves.
About the Author
Liz Zhou is a neurodivergent therapist, coach, and speaker. She helps highly sensitive, neurodivergent adults & couples heal their nervous systems and connect with their authentic selves, using brain-body modalities (Brainspotting, EMDR, IFS, psychedelic integration) that are quicker & more effective than traditional talk therapy. Liz offers Nervous System Healing Intensives online worldwide.
>> Click HERE to follow her on Instagram: @liz.holistic.therapist
>> Click HERE to subscribe to her weekly email series, Liz’s Neurodivergent Letters
