Healing Complex Trauma as a Neurodivergent Person: The Speed of Trust
Here’s what it means to trust our nervous systems — even if healing feels unbearably slow sometimes. Neurodivergent therapist, Liz Zhou, shares insights on healing complex PTSD.
These letters originally appeared in Liz’s Neurodivergent Letters, an affirming weekly email series for highly sensitive, neurodivergent adults who feel burnt out from wearing masks all day & are re-learning who they really are.
LETTER #1: THE SPEED OF TRUST
In healing spaces, there’s a common saying: “We move at the speed of trust.”
Which means that trust is a necessary part of healing — self-trust, trust in the ones who support you, trust in your own brain & nervous system.
It takes time to build and maintain trust, so sometimes healing can feel slow. And that’s okay.
Today, I’m thinking about what the speed of trust might mean for those of us who are slower processors, and those of us who are faster processors.
Personally, I’m a slower processor. I’m never the first one to raise my hand when a teacher asks, “Does anyone have any questions?” It takes me a while to absorb new information, or figure out how I really feel about a situation. (Maybe you can relate?)
On the other hand, some people are faster processors. Their brains make connections quickly, and they process their thoughts and feelings at a rapid pace. (Does this sound more like you?)
And of course, we might process slowly in some contexts, and quickly in others. Our processing speed may depend on our energy levels or the topic at hand. (I’m a lot quicker to process anything related to psychology, for example, than astrophysics. 🤯)
Either way, I want to be clear – there’s no right or wrong way to process. Your way of experiencing the world is valid and valuable.
Now, back to the “speed of trust.“ It’s such an abstract concept, isn’t it? It’s not like trust is something we can measure — like, there goes Trust again, speeding at 80 miles an hour.
So, here’s where I’ve landed for now.
The speed of trust is different for each person, each situation, and each relationship. Moving at the speed of trust means allowing our brains the time they need to process information.
Sometimes, processing looks like: listening to that quick hit of intuition & making your next decision from a spontaneous, yet grounded, place.
And other times, processing looks like: listening to deep insights & quiet truths that emerge after you’ve had time to digest the whole experience.
What does the speed of trust feel like for you?
Here’s to trusting our brains & nervous systems as we heal & care for ourselves.
LETTER #2: DOES YOUR HEALING JOURNEY FEEL “TOO SLOW”?
A lot of us have an inner critic that sounds something like this:
“I keep getting triggered by stuff I thought I worked through… what’s wrong with me?”
“I can’t believe I’m still dealing with X issue” (childhood stuff; a loss that you think you “should” be over by now; internalized ableism that makes it hard to accept your neurodivergent self, and more)
“Why am I not more healed by now?”
It can be really frustrating when the same issues seem to repeat over & over again.
So if this is you, here’s what I want you (and your inner critic) to know.
There’s nothing wrong with you.
It’s okay to be exactly where you are.
Healing is not a linear process. It’s more like a spiral. Which means it can feel slow & repetitive… but that doesn’t mean you’re not getting anywhere.
Let’s unpack this with a little anecdote.
For the past year, there was a book gathering dust on my nightstand. It was a fiction novel about a post-apocalyptic future, a topic that absolutely riveted me. But I would keep picking it up, reading the first chapter, ditching the book when life got busy…
…and then having to start at chapter 1 again, weeks later, because I’d forgotten the entire premise of the story. This cycle repeated 3-4 times.
This month, I finally made time to read the book all the way through. Once I reached the last page, still processing the HUGE twist at the end, my first thought was: Whoa. I’m gonna have to read this whole book all over again.
Why? Why reread a book that had taken me so much time to finish just once?
Because the second read would allow me to notice details that I’d missed before. To see the bigger picture from new angles, and let the insights sink in even deeper.
In some ways, so much time spent on a single book, consuming it in such a circular way, might seem…
Slow. Unproductive. Stuck & repetitive.
But here’s another way to see it:
Taking the time to reread a book, through wiser eyes, is a way to embrace a spiral process over a linear one.
We can read the exact same words on the exact same page 2, 3, 10+ times… and have a completely different experience each time. More clarity, more wisdom, more a-ha moments. That is the power of the spiral.
In our healing journeys, we see the power of the spiral as well. It can look like:
opening chapter 1: grief
taking a break
returning to chapter 1 when you’re ready
opening chapter 2: childhood stuff
peeking at chapter 3, neurodivergence, and seeing how it overlaps with chapter 1-2
discovering chapters 4-6 that you didn’t even know existed
starting at chapter 1 again, through new eyes
Quite the spiral, right?
It’s not a bad thing when the same issues seem to repeat themselves in our lives. Because each time, there’s opportunity for another shift in perspective, a deeper repair of old wounds.
My invitation for you:
Give yourself permission to do things non-linearly. Slowly. In a way that honors your processing style & your neurodivergent brain.
It’s okay to be wherever you are.
It’s okay to revisit the same chapters over & over again.
There is beauty, power, and wisdom in the spiral.
Talk soon,
Liz
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About the Author
Liz Zhou (she/her) is a neurodivergent therapist, coach, and speaker. She helps highly sensitive, neurodivergent adults & couples heal their nervous systems and connect with their authentic selves, using brain-body modalities (Brainspotting, EMDR, IFS, psychedelic integration) that are quicker & more effective than traditional talk therapy. Liz offers Nervous System Healing Intensives online worldwide.
